Thomas Bess’ review of:
Have you come wandering out of the local multiplexes as of late and wondered just what the hell happened to the slashers? While they aren’t necessarily a dying breed, flicks full of maniacal crazies buzz-sawing through hordes of unlikable morons aren’t nearly as common they once were.
More specifically, good flicks full of maniacal crazies buzz-sawing through hordes of unlikable morons aren’t nearly as common as they once were. In fact, in the last few years the only flicks I’d consider throwing in with the heavyweights of the genre would be Behind the Mask, Hatchet and Inside. Now Leslie Vernon, Victor Crowley and that crazy ass home-invading French chick have some new company in the form of Chrome Skull, the glinty, knife-wielding whirlwind of destruction at the center of Laid to Rest.
The plot is as simple as it gets — a disoriented twenty-something lass (Luther) wakes up in a casket and after giving herself enough time to get over the surprise, displays more gutsiness than many of her fellow imperiled hot chicks when she smashes her way out barehanded. If possible, things go from bad to worse as our heroine finds herself in a funeral home inhabited by an oblivious old man and a murderous freak in black (Principe). The latter’s face is hidden by a shiny skull mask and one shoulder is padded with a mini-cam that looks mysteriously like one of the Predator’s shoulder cannons. But ol’ Chrome Dome doesn’t need any ballistics as he’s outfitted with a pair of serrated knives that are used to great, body demolishing effect. Once he catches sight of “The Girl” we’re dragged off on a mad dash as she tries to reach safety while Chrome Skull slaughters anyone who gets between them.
Those of you looking for anything deeper in terms of plot should probably go elsewhere. Not to say that Laid to Rest doesn’t do its story justice, but really, anyone who isn’t the heroine or the killer is simply there to die on the end of a knife. And oh dear God do they die. There is no such thing as an off screen or POV demise in this flick. Everything happens in full view of the camera, close up and more often than not, Hall lingers on the carnage. For gore aficionados this will result in a several bouts of mad cackling while the more squeamish will either run from the room, watch most of the film through barely splayed fingers or just puke all over the carpet. This is definitely not one you should attempt to watch while eating Italian food. You have been warned. And while I hesitate to actually describe any of the kills, it should be noted that by the end you will either have a new respect for, or a nail-biting fear of, Fix-A-Flat. Also in the plus column is Bobbi Sue Luther — while she’s not going to replace Neve Campbell, Olivia Hussey or Jaime Lee Curtis in my Pantheon of favorite horror actresses, she does provide an entertaining foil for the villain. She was definitely one I did not want to see get maimed, mauled or chopped, which is always a good thing when it comes to survivor girls.
So the gore is great, but what’s not so great? Well, the amnesia angle produces a few eye-rollers throughout, particularly early on when “The Girl” refers to her coffin as a ‘dead box’ on more than one occasion. The whole idea seemed to be an attempt to infuse more mystery into the situation, but the reveal of her identity in the last act isn’t really a twist at all. 
In fact it makes pretty good sense considering the limited bits of information we pick up regarding Chrome Skull’s killing habits. Speaking of whom, that dude should really look into an elastic band to keep his mask on. Gluing the thing in place is a pretty neat idea in theory, but his brand of adhesive has gotta be shit as it comes off several times throughout the course of the film. He constantly has to take time out from murder and mayhem to swab the inside and squish it back into place. A minor complaint to be sure, but c’mon dude, Jason never called a time-out when someone knocked his mask aside; you shouldn’t either. Oh and towards the end he starts communicating with his prey — granted, the fashion in which he does is pretty neat, but if you’re a slasher of the masked variety, any communication more evolved than stabbing someone shouldn’t be allowed.
Ultimately, Laid to Rest is an enjoyable slasher movie. Nothing more, nothing less. If you hate that particular sub-genre, stay far, far away as the only new ground broken here lies in discovering just how many ways a knife can enter the human body. But if you like your gore copious and your maniac ruthless, check this one out. You won’t be
disappointed.
Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.
PS. Total aside, with Lena Headey and Thomas Dekker among the cast for the first installment, I think it’s only fair that someone get Summer Glau on the horn for any prospective sequel or prequel.
Director: Robert Hall
Starring: Bobbi Sue Luther, Kevin Gage, Lena Headey, Sean Whalen, Thomas
Dekker, Nick Principe
Running Time: A splattery, gooey 90 minutes.
Tom Bess has sideburns that are so big they might be considered a beard shaving accident from afar. He blames his current mental state on Stephen King, Mike Nelson, Seth McFarlane and Vince McMahon but bears them no ill will. He passes his time writing movie reviews, but will flee the interwebs forever as soon as Allison Mack starts returning his calls.
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