Anthony Ricardi‘s review of…
Letter to an old and ardent Trekker friend,
(Actual name withheld; codename Mugato)
Dear Mugato,
I have been and always shall be your friend.
Hope you and Kahn-ut-tu Woman are prospering, and that little Zarabeth and Kor are doing well in school.
Well, I’ve finally seen it. And you lose your bet… “Star Trek” is indeed better than “Star Trek: The Motion Picture.” As always, it is painful to admit that the great Robert Wise made such a sleep-inducing slog of a sci-fi flick (darn you, V’Ger), but those days are far behind us. No, this is the hour of J.J.Abrams, un-Wise as that might be. J.J., who made his bones on TV, has brought those same blunt sensibilities to the big screen and has done just about the same thing to Trek he did to the giant monster movie with “Cloverfield.” In other words, he attempts to shock at various intervals (usually via incidents of blatant brutality or sexuality) as this is the way TV (and a lot of cinema) is done these days… to keep viewers from flipping (or, in this case, from checking their PDA’s… like the M113-Creature in front of me at my screening). This methodology does keep one from nodding off, but also saps large amounts of potential charm from the material. Perhaps significant character interaction (as opposed to the cursory goings-on in the current flick) and “moments” await us in the next film of the series, but here it is all surface-level sex, SFX, sound surges and smashed-in faces. Without the character development, ideas and ideals inherent in the best of Classic Trek, we have a just another frantic summer theme park ride, and that’s OK… as long as you know that’s all you’ll be getting. For multi-level myth-making, meaning and movie magic, “The Wrath of Khan” still rules as far and away the best Star Trek movie ever made. Have no doubt, my friend.
A bit of tough love here, for just a moment. You and I know that Trek, in all its incarnations, has slowly deteriorated in quality over the years. You admitted yourself that you didn’t even care to go to the last film or watch more than one episode of “Enterprise.” That thing that was once so dynamic and vital was dying on the vine. Something had to be done… either jump-start the franchise or let it drift into oblivion like the U.S.S. Exeter, leaving us with cherished memories but no hopes of new adventures. Seeking out new worlds and new civilizations is what it was and is all about, right? Something had to be done, and now it has been. This was not optional, it was triage. And even though I have my problems with the rough handling the patient received, at least we have a heart beat… quite a strong one, in fact. Not dead, Jim… for sure. By the time the end credits roll, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
I will state something up front that will assuage most of your fears… this literally isn’t the universe you grew up with and love. I mean that… this entire film (well, save for a few seconds of flashback) takes place in an alternate Star Trek reality akin to “Mirror, Mirror,” but far more subtle (for the most part) in terms of changes to the crew. Here’s the cursory skinny: No evil, goateed Spock, just an anal, insecure one (Zachary Quinto) that you want to slap a little. There is also an extended cameo by the ORIGINAL (yes, Mr. Nimoy, baby), too, that is in there just for folks like you and I, more on that in a bit… Kirk (Chris Pine), in his formative years, is no longer a charismatic “walking stack of books with legs” who sublimated his feistier self until it was called for – he’s generally a thuggish, drifting punk, but a persistent, decisive one who still has an eye for the ladies (there’s a scene involving a green-skinned Orion lassie you might not want the kids watching, btw). Dr. Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy (Karl Urban), blessedly, is Bones from first scene to last… irascible, space-phobic and great. So is Scotty (as technically innovative as ever), but with a broader comic vibe, as would be expected when played by Simon Pegg. Uhura (Zoe Saldana) is far less aloof; a modern hottie with a vast command of intergalactic languages (whose hailing frequencies are way open and drawing in the men folk like flies) who has far more to do than ever before, especially when interacting with a certain Star Fleet officer. Chekov (Anton Yelchin) is a brilliant 17-year-old kid (shades of Next Gen’s Wesley Crusher – but much more likeable) and an actual Russian this time – with much better hair. And Sulu, as portrayed by John Cho, seems far less coolly self-assured (oh,my), but is still into swordplay. To top off the roster we get to see Captain Pike (Bruce Greenwood)(woo-ho!) in command of the Enterprise (and who takes an inexplicable liking to the jerk that is Kirk and becomes his mentor), but, sadly, never in his incapacitated incarnation with the scarring and blinking/beeping chair (still want that action figure).
So just how does this retconning come about? Not by a transporter malfunction this time, but by trotting out that hoary SF warhorse (that creator Gene Roddenberry utilized to great effect in several episodes, as you know), the Event That Changes The Time Flow (you’ll just have to see it to find out). Ray Bradbury must be proud that his concept is still going strong, and is at the heart of a multi-bazillion dollar flick (were that the abysmal “A Sound of Thunder” had come out one tenth as well as the current Trek movie). Taking the changes to such an iconic cultural phenomenon as Star Trek completely off the table is a brilliant move, really, satisfying Paramount’s and Abrams’ desires to amp-up (and rough-up) the franchise any way they choose for the youth market, while mollifying the hard-core, decades-long Trekkers out there. So, canon is preserved – and if you simply look at the whole experience as a variation on a theme, accept it as a divergent chapter of the “real” Trek universe, then I know even you will be able to deal with the worst of the changes to your beloved characters. Spock ‘Prime’ (our Spock) is wonderful to behold, however, a linking device (not just between fan generations but also a key part of the film’s time-warped plot) that one must congratulate the filmmakers for utilizing. You’ll really love his scenes. Nimoy is so good that I’m almost sure they wedged him in to a scene near the end not originally in the script. Sure felt like a re-shoot, anyway…
So this isn’t “Trek for Dummies,” although it comes perilously close sometimes.
The plot is rather goofy (but there have been a plethora of those in the history of Trek, right?) involving an incredibly patient Romulan named Nero (Eric Bana), his massive ore freighter turned dreadnought/torture chamber, and a desire for vengeance on the entire Federation, starting with Vulcan. Now, we all know the Romulans are based on the Romans, but to name a character Nero is just a bit too on-point – geez, why not just have him play a lyre somewhere down the line if you’re going that far? Anyhow, Bana is no Peter Ustinov (the greatest cinematic Nero), and actually barely registers as a classic screen villain. Nero has no great lines either (like a TV heavy)… He’s just kind of there to move things along (and alter the universe in the process) and will certainly not be lauded in Trek lore as, say, Ricardo Montalban was as Khan Noonien Singh.”I’ll chase him round the moons of Nibia and round the Antares maelstrom and round perdition’s flames before I give him up!” Now there’s a villain.
Nero can jump, though, and a good thing too, as the interior of his ship looks like it was designed by apes (or, forgive me, Mugatos). Platforms hanging over vast chasms exist for no apparent purpose other than to be leapt/climbed onto. In fact the design of the entire project is rather haphazard, with portions of it being really, really cool. The revamped Enterprise as streamlined, almost sculptural retro-futuristic triumph now looks better than ever… believe it. Other parts of the flick are not so great (Nero’s ship) and several parts of the production appear expedient (the interior of a blockhouse on a frozen world is obviously a current structure with no attempt at set-dressing, and the engineering decks of the Enterprise, which look like they were shot at some real-world power plant), as if the 150 million buck budget ran dry, and they had to make do. One bit that will drive you nuts (’cause I know you and your love of the original Enterprise bridge) is the current command deck. The layout is generally the same but the thing looks like a brilliant white, over-lit operating theater. If I worked there I’d have to wear shades or develop a serious squint. Design-wise the uniforms work OK, a bit darker but not detractingly so (unlike, say, what they did to poor Superman’s outfit in that last debacle). A red uniform is still a harbinger of doom, however, even in this universe… Keep your eye out in one critical scene involving a trio of officers and watch the one in red carefully. It doesn’t go well for him, that’s all I’m sayin’. In short, things sort of appear as they should, just modified here and there (that, in fact, could be a description of the entire movie). I’m pretty sure you won’t dig the new phaser shots (not beams), though… if you can see them. And that transporter effect had me thinking of the fair, and the way they spin cotton candy. Then there is the existence of a drivable centuries-old “antique” Corvette (where, pray tell, does one fill up in a society that has long-ago substituted Dilithium crystals for gas). Some of these choices were simply weird, and often not 23rd century in any way, shape or form… taking me right out of the picture several times. When I travel to the 23rd century, I want to stay there (for at least the running time of the film).
As we follow Kirk through Starfleet Academy (we get to see the Kobayashi Maru scenario – with Klingons!) and to an unlikely berth onboard the Enterprise (where the kids rule the roost, the senior officers apparently across the galaxy with the rest of the fleet). The picture revs up in fits and starts like a troublesome engine in need of Scotty’s assistance, eventually culminating in a final warp-driven twenty minutes that loudly resounds with Classic Trek vibes. If the entire picture was as satisfying as the end, “Star Trek” would indeed be the amazing event so many are touting it as. But indicative of the whole thing, only at the start of the final credits do we hear Michael Giacchino’s choral rendition of Alexander Courage’s original series theme and feel its stirring effect. Up to that point it’s modern, often crass, ADHD TV all the way.
There are moments, however… moments that give one great hope for the future of this alternate future. In one breathtaking scene, in an uncharacteristic moment of languid beauty, the Enterprise rises slowly from the enveloping dust of one of Saturn’s rings. We see the vessel in all its legendary glory, Saturn below, stars filling the background, beckoning. A pure science fiction moment, a Star Trek moment, guaranteed to warm the heart of even the most troubled old-school fan. There are but a handful of these awesome deep space tableaus amidst the mayhem, but each one thrills and bonds, pushing those buttons common to all Trekkers, classic and new.
Optimistically, at the end of this flick the stage is set, the actors in place, for some real adventures, Roddenberry-style – tales of exploration not only of other worlds, but of issues that will continue to burden mankind for as long as we exist as a species.
Let’s hope, next time, they go there… boldly.
Take care, and invite me over for some Tranya, sometime!
Yours,
Mudd
Bottom Line: More callous in every way than the original series and first few movies, this gritty, pulse-pounding reinterpretation feels like a well-produced but skin-deep TV series pilot, providing plenty of computerized action but lacking in heart, like a Vulcan on a bad day.
Critic’s Rating: B (for Brazen)
Rated PG-13 (For sci-fi action and violence, language, and brief sexual content)
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