Thomas Bess’ review of:
Directed By: Jaume Collet-Serra
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman, CCH Pounder
Run Time: 123 murderous, tantrum throwing minutes.
Minor confession time. I like the Dark Castle movies. Actually, that’s not fair. I love the Dark Castle movies. From the reduxes of House on Haunted Hill, Thirteen Ghosts, House of Wax to original stories like Ghost Ship and The Reaping (What? Don’t look at me like that). There’s a special place in my heart for these frenetic and gory wedges of celluloid cheese. Thusly I went into their latest offering expecting something that was a piecemeal blend of The Omen and The Good Son with the trademark DC grue splattered over the whole thing. Much to my (pleasant) surprise, Orphan is a departure from the films that came before it, mostly in that it takes some time to get where it’s going and doesn’t have a huge body count. Dare I use the word ‘classy’ to describe this flick? I think I do. It’s not gonna dethrone any of the reigning champs of the ‘evil little kid’ sub-genre, but it makes a damned fine accounting of itself.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Husband and wife, (Sarsgaard and Farmiga) grieving over the recent loss of their unborn daughter decide to ‘give their love to someone who really needs it’ and decide to adopt an older child from a nearby orphanage (Why they couldn’t just divide up this extra love and split it between their two other kids is never explained, but for the sake of actually having a movie, I’ll let it slide). Said orphan turns out to be nine year old Esther (Fuhrman), an intelligent, precocious little girl who the audience can immediately tell is evil incarnate because she doesn’t hang with other kids AND speaks with a Russian accent. Quicker than you can say ‘maybe we should think about this for a minute’ Esther is a member of the family and weird, violent things start happening. As per usual, the other kids are the first to realize the problem, though mom catches on pretty quick. She does her best to stop the malevolent mite, though her attempts are thwarted by Esther and various brainless adults at every turn. Dad’s all but oblivious until well past the point of no return and it ends with mom and Esther in a cat and mouse game with the lives of the whole family at stake.
So what’s good? Well first off, this is a damned pretty movie. The story takes place in the dead of winter so there’s snow, ice and dead trees everywhere. It’s bleak, stark and gorgeous all rolled into one. I’m not normally one to pay attention to the Director of Photography, but from now on I’ll be on the lookout for the name Jeff Cutter. On the acting side of things, there’s no question that Isabelle Fuhrman’s Esther steals just about every scene she’s in. Shifting from Lisa Frank stickers to batshit crazy in the blink of an eye, she’s probably the best evil child since Macaulay Culkin terrorized Elijah Wood in The Good Son lo those many years ago. While I hesitate to point out specific examples for fear of spoiling things for you, if you’re looking for proof of Ms. Fuhrman’s evil kid chops, take a gander at the trailer, specifically the shot where she’s watching the tree house burn. If the malicious enjoyment on her face doesn’t send chills up your spine, you’re a tougher soul than I. Suffice to say, Esther is an excellent villain and worthy addition to the pantheon of murderous children in film.
What’s not so good? Well, there’s a twist toward the beginning of the last act and while I wouldn’t call it out and out bad, it’s so implausible that it might take some viewers out of what’s going on. Personally, I had a few moments of ‘huh’ and then it was back to business as usual. I’ve seen some folks out there on the interwebs saying they picked up on it pretty quickly and looking back, there are some hints sprinkled throughout, but it’s different enough that I’d wager it manages to surprise most of the audience (For the record, it’s not ‘its all in her head’. That’s not a twist, it’s a lazy, bullshit copout and I would most definitely warn you away from a flick that went down that path). On the gore front, those of you expecting a wholesale slaughter of the supporting cast should look elsewhere. Orphan has a surprisingly low body count, which I suppose is good in the fact that it’s going against type (the meddling grandmother ISN’T killed which really flummoxed me) but could be disappointing for those looking to see Esther unleash the cutlery. That said, they certainly don’t shy away from the gore that is there and a few scenes (one involving a pigeon, the other a vise) are worthy of raised eyebrows and a prolonged cringe respectively.
Orphan’s not going to appeal to everyone as it does take a while to really get rolling and the twist is probably gonna be one of those ‘loved it or heated it’ deals. But after a solid two months of forgettable ‘summer blockbuster’ fare, it’s like a deep, cold breath of the genre goodness the fall and winter always bring. If you’re looking to satisfy an evil kid craving, visit with Esther for a few hours, I don’t think you’ll come away disappointed.
Til next time, always remember the calls are coming from inside the house.
Tom Bess has sideburns that are so big they might be considered a beard shaving accident from afar. He blames his current mental state on Stephen King, Mike Nelson, Seth McFarlane and Vince McMahon but bears them no ill will. He passes his time writing movie reviews, but will flee the interwebs forever as soon as Allison Mack starts returning his calls.
