Thomas Bess’ review of:
Directed By: David R. Ellis
Starring: Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten, Nick Zano, Haley Webb, Mykelti Williamson, Krista Allen
Run Time: 82 impaling, stabbing, crushing and otherwise maiming minutes.
Before I say anything else, let it just be noted that there is only the vaguest sort of story in the latest installment of the Final Destination franchise. Those of you who were hoping for anything like an explanation regarding death’s grand design or anything deeper than watching folks killed in the most unlikely, Rube Goldberg-ian fashions might as well not even bother with this flick because there is no point during its rather brief run time that you will need to use your brain. If you want to think about something, might I suggest checking out District Nine or Inglourious Basterds again? All that said, for those of you who wanted a whole movie full of the carnage glimpsed throughout the aforementioned movies without the hassle of caring about the people being slaughtered on screen, my friends, this flick is for you.
And of course, now that I’ve spent a whole paragraph telling you there’s no plot, I have to spend at least a few sentences trying to tell you about the plot (such as it is). Just as in the previous three films, our story starts with a group of attractive young people sharing an outing, (this one at a creaky old racetrack) and one of them (Campo) just happens to have a premonition in which his friends and a whole slew of extras are killed when there’s a massive accident that damn near demolishes the whole facility. And just like we’ve seen three times before, he gets his friends and a few nearby folks away just before all hell breaks loose. There’s a few minutes of, “How did you know that was going to happen?” followed by an equally brief period of, “We’ve been given a second chance, let’s enjoy life!” before Death comes looking to claim what’s his and the survivors start getting knocked off in a series of grisly “accidents”. Our premonition having lead and his surprisingly credulous girlfriend (VanSanten) try to warn the others about what’s happening with varying degrees of success until the credits roll.
What’s to like? Answer this. Are you a fan of gore? If you replied “yes”, get thee to a multiplex (correction, a 3D multiplex) with all haste. Director David R. Ellis (who brought the world Final Destination 2, still my favorite installment of the series) has an impressive knack for staging violence in such a way that will have the audience cringing and laughing in the same breath. The opening scene at the racetrack isn’t quite as impressive as the highway crash from part 2, but damn near anything that could be found at said racetrack is used to kill people off and NONE of them go easy. Everything from sheet metal, engine blocks, tires, cars and the stadium itself is brought into play — honestly, I would not be surprised to see attendance at stock car races take a brief dip if this movie hits number one at the box office. The accidents post race are pretty cool too. If you’ve seen the trailer you’re aware of the bits in the pool and car wash but there’s also a nice sequence involving a tow truck, a mall fire and an escalator that are worthy of your gasps and wide-eyed stares.
What’s not good? Easy. If you’re looking for anything other than gory set pieces, this movie is not for you. While it didn’t stop my enjoyment of the film, I did sorta pause a couple times and think “Man, they aren’t even attempting a semblance of story anymore.” Not sure if you can blame them, I mean, most everyone comes to a Final Destination flick for the sole reason of seeing the people on screen demolished in interesting ways, but it would have been nice if they’d added another ten to fifteen minutes of run time that weren’t filled with kills to at least try and make the crowd care about the cast before they get knocked off. Also, it should be noted that while the 3D in this movie is quite fun, there are several scenes where the CG is noticeable and it can take you out of the action, at least for a moment. Also, it should go without saying that to get the full enjoyment from this movie, you should shill out the extra two or three dollars to see it with the glasses. Seeing it in plain ol’ 2D seems like a guaranteed recipe for disappointment.
There ya have it. If the real world has been kicking your ass for a while and ya want nothing more than the catharsis of watching your fellow man suffer without the pesky implications of actually doing the violence yourself, then The Final Destination is for you. If, however, you require elements such as plot and logic, spend your money elsewhere ’cause you’re not going to find them here.
P.S. It just occurred to me that a better title for these movies would have been “What’re The Odds?” though I suppose that wouldn’t look nearly as threatening on a theater marquee.
Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.
Tom Bess has sideburns that are so big they might be considered a beard shaving accident from afar. He blames his current mental state on Stephen King, Mike Nelson, Seth McFarlane and Vince McMahon but bears them no ill will. He passes his time writing movie reviews, but will flee the interwebs forever as soon as Allison Mack starts returning his calls.
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