A Thomas Bess review of:
Directed By: Richard Kelly
Starring: Frank Langella, Cameron Diaz, James Marsden
Run Time: 116 minutes spent wondering when Rod Serling was gonna pop up and say “Consider if you will…”
The following exchange is from an old episode of The Simpsons in which Homer accidentally uncovers a diabolical plot that threatens the whole world:
Number 2: I’ll be blunt. Your web page has stumbled upon our secret plan.
Homer: That’s impossible. All my stories are bull plop. Bull plop!
Number 2: Don’t be cute. I’m referring to the flu-shot expose. You see, we’re the ones loading them with mind-controlling additives.
Homer: But why?
Number 2: To drive people into a frenzy of shopping. That’s why flu shots are given just before Christmas.
Homer: Of course. It’s so simple. (pauses) Wait, no it’s not. It’s needlessly complicated.
Sadly, that last line is a perfect summation of The Box. What could have been a taut little thriller exploring ideas of greed, altruism and sacrifice in the guise of a scary movie instead plays out like a blown up Twilight Zone episode without the theme song or Serling’s awesome bookend segments. Add this one to the pile of great Richard Matheson stories that weren’t done justice by the celluloid establishment. (I’m looking at you, every single version of I Am Legend).
Plot goes a little something like this. Norma and Arthur Lewis (Diaz and Marsden) are a pleasant suburban couple supposedly in dire financial straits despite the fact that they live in a gorgeous two story house and he drives one of the most bitchin’ sports cars (think it was a Corvette) I’ve ever seen. Early one morning, a package containing the titular box is left on their doorstep along with a note informing them that a Mr. Steward (Langella) will be back that afternoon to explain everything. True to his word, their mysterious benefactor arrives at the appointed time and holy crap, half of his face is gone. Seriously, if he was a Dick Tracy villain, I’d call him “The Gouge”. Facial creepiness aside, the deal is simple. If they press the button, someone they don’t know will die. They’ll also receive a payment of one million dollars. After a night of postulating on just how legit the offer is, Norma pushes the button and as promised they get a lot of cash and someone dies. From there things get very, very weird. Getting into it would drop a lot of spoilers but rest assured that anything you’re imagining isn’t nearly as bizarre as what actually unfolds onscreen.
What’s good? It probably goes without saying, but Frank Langella is an absolute badass in this movie. For someone whose face looks like it came straight off an EC comics cover, Mr. Steward is never played as anything other than a calm, slightly sympathetic but ultimately merciless pragmatist. Even when things start to get really kooky toward the middle of the second act, things were okay as long as Steward was around and doing his thing. Marsden and Diaz weren’t nearly as memorable but neither were bad either, the latter’s accent not withstanding. Visually it’s a beautiful looking film with the abundance of snow and cheesy seventies style Christmas decorations adding to the bizarre, slightly off-kilter vibe that permeates from start to finish. And from a pure geek standpoint, I loved the design of the box / button unit. If there was a replica version available, I would totally leave it lying around and if someone pushed it, I’d let loose with a terrible dying scream just to teach their greedy asses a lesson.
What’s not good? Hoo boy. The biggest problem inside this box is that instead of keeping the scope of Steward’s “experiment” on a relatively small scale, they took the basic premise of the short story and blew it up like a balloon, the helium in this case being the sort of convoluted conspiracy theory hokum that would make the Illuminati nod in approval and mutter “We should be taking notes on this shit.” And for a movie called The Box it sure as hell seems that by the middle of the second reel their pushing the button had become almost incidental to the Byzantine drama of which they’d become a part. And even when all the details are (sort of) laid out, you’ll be left wondering why the hell this sort of all encompassing super-intelligence would bother rigging up a decidedly cruel experiment in the first place when I’d be willing to bet any decent statistician could whip up a model that would provide the same results in the course of a single afternoon. Oh and while this is a minor quibble compared to all the other problems, the wallpaper in the Lewis household is absolutely the most atrocious thing I have ever seen. Don’t care if this is the seventies, certain things should just not be allowed.
Should you see it? (Long, LONG pause)
I’ll say this — if you’re a fan of Richard Kelly’s work or are one of those who enjoy weird for the sheer sake of weird, you’ll probably find something to enjoy here. Everyone else, if you’re really interested to see this plot play out on screen, there was an episode of the Twilight Zone redux from the 80’s called Button, Button which is much truer to the source material. From what I hear it’s still not great, but at least it’s over in twenty minutes. Better yet, just pick up a collection of Richard Matheson’s short stories, put on some appropriately atmospheric tunes and settle in on the couch. Your imagination will thank you.
Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.
Tom Bess has sideburns that are so big they might be considered a beard shaving accident from afar. He blames his current mental state on Stephen King, Mike Nelson, Seth McFarlane and Vince McMahon but bears them no ill will. He passes his time writing movie reviews, but will flee the interwebs forever as soon as Allison Mack starts returning his calls.
