A Thomas Bess review of:

Directed By: Joe Johnston

Starring: Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving

Run Time: 102 moor-prowling, villager-slaughtering minutes.

Full disclosure, me likee werewolves. Of the “traditional” genre monsters, they seem to have avoided the broody angst ridden teeny bopper mania that’s gripped vampires (the pack of shirtless goons in the latter Twilight books don’t count, those are shapeshifters and have barely even earned that title) and the heavy handed social commentary that plagues so many zombie epics as of late. Oh sure, there’ss always plenty of the “man vs. beast” angle to go around and the man side tends to win more often than I’d prefer, but still, when a werewolf is out on the prowl, there are fun times to be had. So why then is it so rare that these creatures show up in good movies? For every American Werewolf in London there are dozens of Skinwalkers and dammit, that’s just not okay with me. Joe Johnston’s updated take on The Wolfman is several steps in the right direction, hampered by one glaring flaw. It’s not a horror movie. Or perhaps it would be more telling to say, it started as a horror movie then got several buckets of summer blockbuster stupid thrown in and as a result, those looking for something that’s actually scary are left wondering what might’ve been.

Story is as follows. Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is a successful actor making a tour of London when he receives a letter from his brother’s fiancé (Blunt) informing him that her betrothed has been missing for a few weeks and she fears the worst. Understandably concerned, he returns to a rather drafty ancestral home and meets up with his estranged father (Hopkins) in hopes of discovering his brother’s whereabouts only to learn the poor dope’s body was found mangled in a ditch the previous morning. Set on finding out what happened to his sibling, Lawrence listens to some rather wild local tales, then wanders over to see some traveling gypsies his brother had been known to visit. It’s while at the gypsy camp that a mean furry something attacks and kills a whole lotta extras before chomping on Lawrence himself. He survives the attack, but as you can guess, when the next full moon rolls around he transforms into a werewolf and goes on a fresh round of villager mangling. Caught shortly thereafter, he’s taken to an asylum in London and well…let’s just say his doctors should’ve taken more credence in his “delusions”. Upon his escape, Lawrence heads home in hopes of finding a cure, not to mention settling up with the person responsible for laying the lycanthropy whammy on him in the first place. Along the way bodies will be torn asunder, copious amounts of silver will be smelted down into bullets and if you’re like me, you’ll keep trying to put a finger on why you’re not enjoying it more.

So what’s good? First and foremost, I gotta call attention to the practical effects of Rick Baker. The special effects legend has taken the original Wolfman design and given it an excellent update — the link to Lon Chaney Jr’s creature is recognizable and welcome, but this new incarnation is bigger, more bestial and a whole heckuva lot more vicious. Going hand in hand with said viciousness is the buckets of grue that are splashed around when Lawrence’s more hirsute persona is let loose under the light of the full moon. Off the top of my head I can recall decapitations, impalings, disembowelings, slashings, bitings and any other depraved thing you’d think a werewolf would be capable of. And while the camera never lingers for too long on any one bit of carnage, you see it clearly enough to know exactly what’s happening. Parents of young children I implore you, keep them away from this flick, otherwise you will dealing with closet monsters and therapy for years to come. With regards to the cast, the four leads do a good job with what they’re given, with Del Toro easily shining the most brightly. Hopkins has his moments too, though he’s surprisingly over the top for what I’d expected to be a rather laid back role. Weaving and Blunt are there to be horrified or credulous, (whichever the scene calls for) and they do well enough but a bit more development for their characters would’ve made it easier to care when they were in peril.

So what’s not good? I’m not quite sure how to say it, but there’s a feel of…meddling…that’s present throughout this flick and that more than anything else kept me from digging it as much as I’d hoped. There’s plenty to like here — don’t let me give you the impression that it’s a stinker because it’s not. But for a story where I’d been looking forward to something truly frightening, every opportunity to build tension or suspense seems wasted in service of not losing the notoriously short attention spans of “blockbuster” audiences. As a result, you get a movie that rumbles along at a nice clip but never seems to build any momentum unless the titular monster is center stage and buzzsawing through a hapless horde of villagers. If some of the articles I’ve read on the net are accurate, there was something like twenty minutes of footage excised from the theatrical cut that will be included in the eventual DVD release and it’ll be very interesting to see how a longer version of this story plays out. Normally I’m all for my horror films being taut from beginning to end, but in this case I think a few minutes to let the audience catch its breath might make it all the more effective.

Should you see it? I’m going to offer a tentative yes if only for Del Toro’s performance and Baker’s excellent effects. Just understand going in that this new wolfman is much more a thrill ride than a haunted house. And like any roller coaster, you’ll have plenty of fun while you’re on it, but the adrenaline will have worn off well before you’ve reached the lobby.

In closing, since I already used the lunar cycle comparison for The House of the Devil, I shall give The Wolfman three butchered peasants out of five.

Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.

Tom Bess recently shaved his legendary sideburns at a cost of two hours and five pounds. The end result is a slightly puffier, but much more aerodynamic movie-reviewing machine who is still patiently waiting for Allison Mack to return his calls. While he’s waiting, he’ll read copious amounts of Lovecraft and eat too many Peach Gummy Bears.