A Thomas Bess review of:
Directed By: Samuel Bayer
Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Kellan Lutz, Clancy Brown, Connie Britton
Run Time: 95 minutes spent wondering what the hell happened to these kids’ curfew.
Right off the bat, here’s a bit of internet horror fan blasphemy — I do not hate Platinum Dunes. I know, I know, splash me with holy water, brand me with some sort of purifying sigil, but the fact is I’ve enjoyed most of the stuff they’ve put out since their inception a few years back. Not all of it mind you, The Hitcher is too kooky for its own good and The Unborn might as well have been called The Unwatchable but their forays into the worlds of Leatherface and Jason Voorhees were enjoyable enough with the former being a competent companion piece to the original and the latter standing near the top of the list when it comes to sequels. So when PD announced that they were going to take a crack at the Springwood Slasher, I sat back to see what would develop. And when they announced the casting of Jackie Earle Haley as Krueger, well, I might have done a little jig of geek joy, but there’s no proof of that. So now, after several months worth of trailers and the interwebs bitching about how terrible it would surely be, what’s the verdict? Did Platinum Dunes finally knock one out of the park or is this another sleek, heartless cash in? The answer lies somewhere in the middle I think. While this new Nightmare On Elm Street doesn’t improve upon the original, it DOES improve on every sequel with the exception of Wes Craven’s New Nightmare and perhaps more importantly, returns the character of Freddy Krueger to his murderous, capering-free roots.
The plot (for those of you who have never ventured down the horror aisle of the video store before) goes a little something like this. In the otherwise idyllic town of Springwood, a group of teenagers–specifically those living on Elm Street–have started dying in their sleep. And not some adolescent version of Crib Death either, we’re talking slashed and mangled like they’ve been tangling with a lawnmower. These kids don’t seem to have anything in common, save for a recurring nightmare in which a burned man sporting a glove full of knives is hunting them down, in search of vengeance for something they can’t remember. After one of them (Lutz) bites it in rather public fashion, a group of friends, (Mara, Gallner, Cassidy and Dekker) start searching for the truth and as new facts come to light, they find themselves more and more at the mercy of Freddy Krueger (Haley) and his not so tender ministrations. Along the way much will be made of the consequences of sleep deprivation, pretty people will be slashed to ribbons and curfews will be blatantly ignored.
So what’s good? Jackie Earle Haley isn’t going to depose Robert Englund in the Elm Street canon with this one performance, but he does a damned good job, especially in getting across the fact this this incarnation of Freddy is a very angry fellow. Oh there are a few jokes sprinkled in his dialogue, but those hoping for the terrible puns and increasingly over the top kills from the later sequels aren’t going to find very much of that here. Once this Freddy has found you, he’ll take a moment to let ya know the score (most likely while he’s beating your face into a wall or something) but then it’s slashing time and he’s onto the next poor dope before you’ve even finished bleeding out. This particular group of teenagers isn’t particularly memorable, though points should be given for not busting out any of the usual cheerleader, stoner, jock, virgin clichés that we’re all so familiar with. And while Nancy (Mara) is definitely the focus of the story, plenty of time is given to her pals Quentin (Gallner) and Kris (Cassidy). In fact, I thought either of them would’ve been more interesting as the lead, but thankfully Nancy does become more compelling, unfortunately it’s after most of her friends are in pieces. Getting back to Krueger for a moment, I have to applaud the script for not shying away from the fact that he was in fact a pedophile. While they didn’t go as far as they should to REALLY make your skin crawl, they probably went as far as they could, what with this being a big budget studio release marketed to teens and twenty somethings.
What’s not good? Call me a dinosaur, but I love me some practical special effects. There are still plenty of those on display, but they’re outnumbered by their digital counterparts and some of them didn’t come off quite right — Freddy bulging through the wallpaper comes immediately to mind, as does a flashback where a close-up of his burning face looks more silly than anything else. As for the new make-up, that’s a debate that could rage for a whole article, so I’ll leave it at this. It’s not bad, just different. This version is much less the leering gargoyle of the original series and much more like a picture you might find in a textbook on burn trauma. If someone put a gun to my head I’d probably give the nod to the original, but by the end the new look had grown on me too. More distressing to me was the lack of an explanation as to just how and why Krueger designed the infamous glove, not to mention the little detail of how a large group of folks was able to carry out mob justice in a town that has some of the most amazing police response time I’ve ever seen. (Seriously, you’ll know it when you see it). Finally, the mechanics of just how Freddy is able to move around in kid’s dreams or why he’s finally getting his revenge all these years later are pretty much glossed over. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s a fairly important detail that deserved more attention. One other thing, and I know it’s a quibble, but I can’t help it. At one point Freddy sings a bit of the ol’ “One, two…” nursery rhyme. That shouldn’t happen. It’s like having Darth Vader hum a few bars of the Imperial March.
Should you see it? If you’re initial reaction upon hearing news of a remake was a pained, screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” I’d suggest that you stay away as there’s nothing here that’s going to set your world on fire. However, if you’re not married to, or if, (for some unfathomable reason) you haven’t seen the original, I’d say a trip down Elm Street would be well worth your while. It probably won’t keep you up late, but it’s no cure for insomnia either.
In closing, if an immaculate bedroom is awful and Johnny Depp’s death in the original is perfect, then I’d say this new Nightmare has three and half gallons of blood splattered all over, which is quite respectable.
Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.
Tom Bess recently shaved his legendary sideburns at a cost of two hours and five pounds. The end result is a slightly puffier, but much more aerodynamic movie-reviewing machine who is still patiently waiting for Allison Mack to return his calls. While he’s waiting, he’ll read copious amounts of Lovecraft and eat too many Peach Gummy Bears.
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