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A Thomas Bess review of:
Directed By: Mike Newell
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Richard Coyle, Steve Toussaint, Toby Kebbell, Ronald Pickup
Run Time: 116 gritty, windblown minutes.
Hello all! Sorry for the delay, but now that the doldrums of central May have passed, I am back with the review of a film that the Atomik readership is no doubt giddy for, I speak of course, about Sex and the City 2. Actually, that last sentence was a lie, being away from the keyboard for a few weeks has made me a bit loopy. With respect to any fans of Carrie Bradshaw and the other three consumer-istas, there is no way in hell I’d have the personal strength to pen a cogent review for that movie. No, I take that back. If the Atomik Brain Canisters can finesse it so Kristen Bell or Allison Mack would accompany me to the theater, I’d consider it. Might even keep the vitriol to a minimum, but no promises. Where was I? Oh yes, the real review. Anyhoo, so now that Iron Man 2 has at least temporarily slaked the public’s thirst for super heroic fare, it’s time for the annual “sweeping pseudo-historical epic in a place that is–or at least used to be–real, complete with a whole lotta magic, one liners and the fantastical ability to spawn sequels.” 2010’s entry is Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time and while it’s not perfect, it’s pretty darned fun.
The Plot
The plot goes a little something like this: Destan (Gyllenhaal, looking like C.M. Punk dressed as Battle Damage Aladdin) was plucked off the streets as a kid by the king (Pickup) and has since grown up to be one of three “Princes of Persia” alongside his brothers Tus (Coyle) and Garsiv (Kebbell). As our story begins, the princes and their uncle Nizam (Kingsley) are on their way to a holy city that is supposedly supplying weapons to Persia’s enemies. During the course of their attack, Destan stumbles across a big ol’ knife with what looks to be an oversized salt shaker grafted to the hilt. This pilfering irks the crap out of Princess Tamina (Arterton) as the dagger’s a sacred relic of her city and it absolutely, positively cannot fall into the wrong hands. After some flirtatious sniping with said princess, Destan comes into a whole load of trouble as he’s framed for the king’s murder and just like that the whole Persian army is on his tail. Accompanied by Tamina, he sets out to prove his innocence, catch his father’s killer and tinker with pre-Delorean, blade-based time travel.
The Good
What’s good? Gyllenhaal and Arterton are most definitely the stars of this show and thankfully both hold their own quite nicely. Also, and perhaps more importantly, they have solid chemistry in their shared scenes. Up to this point my biggest reference point for Jake had been Donnie Darko, which, while cool, doesn’t really scream “gravity defying action hero!” but he pulls off all of Destan’s acrobatic wackiness quite well while shifting between tough guy, funny guy and serious guy modes without missing a beat. Arterton isn’t really asked to do much more than be alternately snarky and earnest while occasionally taking on a few low-level bad guys with a sword or whatever might be handy. Sadly, she doesn’t get to tangle with any giant scorpions like she did in Clash of the Titans, but she proves a worthy partner for Destan and thankfully, doesn’t get all swoony and “saaaaaaaave me” when there’s mayhem afoot. The rest of the cast is solid, particularly Alfred Molina as a sleazy “entrepreneur” running ostrich races, but really everyone else is there to stand behind Destan, Tamina and the special effects. Speaking of the effects, they’re suitably epic and gritty, especially whenever the sub-titular sands of time are released from the dagger to do work their mojo. On a more practical level there’s plenty of slashings, slicings and impalings, but because we’re in the realm of PG-13 the blood is kept to a minimum, so those looking for arterial spray on the sand, keep those hopes in check ’cause it’s not happening.
The Not So Good
What’s not good? Well, it’s a relatively minor spoiler, but just in case, can I get the Brain Canisters to throw up the anti-spoiler rollover magic? Thanks. (Ok, so Ben Kingsley’s the villain. Shocker right?) And while he does a good job in the part, I never really got the impression that he was much of a threat, not even during the last reel when there’s a climactic showdown with Destan. He’s much more of a hang in the background and plot sort of Big Bad, which would be ok if the Prince were a little more cerebral himself. As it is, we’re presented with a conflict between chess player and war machine and everyone knows that once all the goons have been mowed down, the chess player is toast, which makes for a rather lackluster final battle. Thankfully, our heel has half a dozen Hassan-sins in his employ and they provide a much more immediate physical threat to our hero, even if their characters are ultimately defined more through their weapons than any sort of character development. Also, while I figure it was done to set the appropriate sparks a flyin‘, there’s a bit too much bickering and dagger stealing between Destan and Tamina in the first few reels. Considering that there’s a whole freakin’ army on their tail and that they keep saving each other’s lives, they’d just calm the hell down and let one or the other hold onto the blasted thing instead of putting them both in danger with all the infighting.
Should You See It?
Should you see it? I doubt that it’s going to change your life one way or the other, but if you’re in the mood for a fun way to kill two hours or simply looking to hide from a member of the fairer sex that wants you to endure SITC2, you could do a helluva lot worse than Prince of Persia. Oh, and a suggestion for any Bruckheimer underlings that might be listening: Presuming there’s a sequel, it needs to be something like: Prince of Persia: Conflagration of Rampaging Ninjas! I mean, truth in advertising is refreshing, right?
The Verdict
Taking a cue from another great desert epic, if “A Whole New World” is terrible and “Friend Like Me” is perfect, I’d say this flick is “Prince Ali” and that ain’t bad.
Til next time, always remember that the calls are coming from inside the house.
Tom Bess recently shaved his legendary sideburns at a cost of two hours and five pounds. The end result is a slightly puffier, but much more aerodynamic movie-reviewing machine who is still patiently waiting for Allison Mack to return his calls. While he’s waiting, he’ll read copious amounts of Lovecraft and eat too many Peach Gummy Bears.
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